I'm at a loss for words on this one...I have a lot to say, but can't say it. Or perhaps I just choose not to. I tried the "tell it how it is" thing and f***ed myself. So, time to do the "bottle it up and hope I implode" thing again. I enjoy that aspect much better....the pure stupidity of certain things I do when I am in this mode is such a rush......wake up tomorrow or not? That is the fun question that is hanging over my head in "bottle it up" mode......If no one knows how I truly hurt or feel inside, I can put on a fake personality and no one is the wiser. The smile on my face most often hides the gut wrenching pain I go through ever day. Whether that be emotional or physical pain. Pain is pain.... When you hear the words, "nothing's wrong, or I'm okay, or no worries", are they sincere? Well, I wouldn't write the answer one way or the other in this blog.... Why put it ALL out there? I'd rather keep everyone in the dark as to my true thoughts.... keeps everyone else from feeling bad or guilty...better me than you in my opinion....It's a crappy way of life....And sadly, I bring it on myself
Recently, I thought I had found a really happy point in my life.....until my own philosophy of life came back to bite me in the ass....That philosophy can be summed up in two phrases: "Everything is too good to be true." and "Always expect the worst. That way if something good happens, it's a pleasant surprise. When the bad things happen, it's not a shock, it was expected." Lose sight of what you believe, and you wake up one day to find you've really screwed things up, and can't go back to fix it. But then, would I want to fix it?
Being happy doesn't mean shit. Making others happy, my life's mission....so, in a nut shell, I'm here to be miserable to make everyone else happy.....forgetting that causes me to hurt myself...hence making me a bigger bitch than I was before. Listen to your mind, not your heart. They never agree, but logic outweighs emotion any day of the week.
Recently, I thought I had found a really happy point in my life.....until my own philosophy of life came back to bite me in the ass....That philosophy can be summed up in two phrases: "Everything is too good to be true." and "Always expect the worst. That way if something good happens, it's a pleasant surprise. When the bad things happen, it's not a shock, it was expected." Lose sight of what you believe, and you wake up one day to find you've really screwed things up, and can't go back to fix it. But then, would I want to fix it?
Being happy doesn't mean shit. Making others happy, my life's mission....so, in a nut shell, I'm here to be miserable to make everyone else happy.....forgetting that causes me to hurt myself...hence making me a bigger bitch than I was before. Listen to your mind, not your heart. They never agree, but logic outweighs emotion any day of the week.
1 comment:
MY FRIEND EMAILED ME A COMMENT RATHER THAN POSTING, SO I FIGURED I'D PASTE IT IN HERE....THX KEN! REMEMBER THE ROUND TRIP HURRICANE DEAL!!!
my motto is to tell it like it is and let the chips fall where they
may. the friend (etc), if they are worthy of your time, will
appreciate the honesty of knowing where you stand and adjust
accordingly if they care (and are able). people that are inflexible
are gonna be cut loose sooner or later anyway, may as well be sooner.
this way you have more room for the hardcore cool/good folks.
So, in general you are right, very wise for an under 30, life sucks
for the most part so you need to really bask in the cool stuff
whenever possible. most people are lame; some are plain evil (10%)
the vast majority are just stupid cattle (80%) and the rest of us are
good thoughtful folks trying to help without getting beat up too bad
(see 'no good deed goes unpunished). I hope this makes sense, its
pretty much from the hip...
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