Northern Arizona

What I wouldn't give to have a job that would take me to the beautiful areas of Northern Arizona. Recently, I was able to take an overnight trip and escape the heat of Phoenix. I didn't leave the state, just headed a few hours north. My trip started out in the hell we call Phoenix at around 7:45 or 8 am on Friday morning, Sept 28th. Soon I was in Prescott; shortly there after, Flagstaff, Oak Creek Canyon, and Sedona. Stayed the night at a beautiful resort in Sedona, and left Saturday morning heading toward Strawberry; passed through Pine, rested in Payson, and back down through Fountain Hills on my way back to hell, I mean Phoenix. On trips like this, best to be in the company of a great friend, and this time I did follow my own advice and was in the awesome company of my best friend.

I've always found it so amazing that within a short 45 minute to an hour drive, you can hit Prescott; and while it's a steamy 100 + in Phoenix, it's a windy 75 or lower in the pine forest of Prescott. And just outside of Prescott, in Prescott Valley, it's all desert, no pine trees. And about an hour and a half out of Prescott, you find Flagstaff, where the pine trees got thicker and holy hell, I needed a jacket....yes, sad. Just hours earlier, I was sweating in the car on the I-17 trying to rush to get to the weather I love. 28 miles out of Flagstaff, is the beautiful red rocks of Sedona. But to get to those red rocks, I'd suggest going through Oak Creek Canyon. This road is filled with not only pine trees, but creeks and Cottonwood trees.....and scattered in the middle some out of place desert scenery. Heading home from Sedona, you can almost see the line between the red rock and dirt and the average brown dirt and cacti filled desert people normally associate with AZ. But within an hour, heading south, away from the pine forest, or you'd think at least, you hit more pine forests and tons of greenery. The weather goes from cool in Sedona, to warmer on the way into Strawberry and Pine, and cooler again coming into Payson. We won't talk about the awful feeling of being home and knowing you are home because the windows go up and the AC is turned on..... Unreal the geographical make-up of Arizona. In one state, I can hit just about anything within a few hours and change in weather no matter what direction I'm heading.

The weather was great, the company was awesome, and best of all, we were in no rush. We actually enjoyed the scenery. I laughed at those folks flying at a hundred miles an hour because they weren't smart enough to stop and soak it all in. When it says 40mph, go 35. I swear, the drive seems shorter when you are enjoying yourself.

Pondering Thoughts

I know you've all heard the phrase "what goes around comes around".....Depending on your own beliefs, whis next question will boggle your mind. Do you believe that you can lead a very straight and narrow life yet you feel like you're constantly paying for what ever wrong doing you did in a past life, or perhaps several past lives? Could one person have made so many mistakes in one life that their next will be spent in a living hell? Things to ponder..........it will make your head spin with the many possibilities no matter what your faith tells you you should believe.

So, the next time you have something off the wall happen, don't blame the messenger, blame your actions....or the actions of the past you.......so the saying should go WHAT WENT AROUND WILL COME AROUND....IN DUE TIME.

TWISTED

I'm at a loss for words on this one...I have a lot to say, but can't say it. Or perhaps I just choose not to. I tried the "tell it how it is" thing and f***ed myself. So, time to do the "bottle it up and hope I implode" thing again. I enjoy that aspect much better....the pure stupidity of certain things I do when I am in this mode is such a rush......wake up tomorrow or not? That is the fun question that is hanging over my head in "bottle it up" mode......If no one knows how I truly hurt or feel inside, I can put on a fake personality and no one is the wiser. The smile on my face most often hides the gut wrenching pain I go through ever day. Whether that be emotional or physical pain. Pain is pain.... When you hear the words, "nothing's wrong, or I'm okay, or no worries", are they sincere? Well, I wouldn't write the answer one way or the other in this blog.... Why put it ALL out there? I'd rather keep everyone in the dark as to my true thoughts.... keeps everyone else from feeling bad or guilty...better me than you in my opinion....It's a crappy way of life....And sadly, I bring it on myself

Recently, I thought I had found a really happy point in my life.....until my own philosophy of life came back to bite me in the ass....That philosophy can be summed up in two phrases: "Everything is too good to be true." and "Always expect the worst. That way if something good happens, it's a pleasant surprise. When the bad things happen, it's not a shock, it was expected." Lose sight of what you believe, and you wake up one day to find you've really screwed things up, and can't go back to fix it. But then, would I want to fix it?

Being happy doesn't mean shit. Making others happy, my life's mission....so, in a nut shell, I'm here to be miserable to make everyone else happy.....forgetting that causes me to hurt myself...hence making me a bigger bitch than I was before. Listen to your mind, not your heart. They never agree, but logic outweighs emotion any day of the week.

The Harsh Reality of Life

Today, I realized that things change with the blink of an eye. The tattoo across my back, particularly the bleeding heart in the center, symbolizes a pivital point in my life, and now, has so much more meaning to it, it's scary.

I've always been able to express myself through the written word better than verbally. My life has lead me down so many paths, taken me into so many storms, taught me so little yet I've learned so much.

In high school, I wrote a poem after I lost two of my dearest friends, Danny Astorga and Dorian Dillard. Both at such a young age and both due to the unforgivable effects of too much alcohol. Today, I found out I lost another friend, and shortly afterward, my nephew. My friend, younger than me, my nephew, still learning the ways of this cruel world.

'Life Is Death' is the name of the poem I wrote. At the time I wrote it, people told me, "Never write about death....no one will listen to it". Well, tons of people listened to it....It's been printed on many funeral documents and brought peace of mind to so many people, I can't even begin to fathom the actual number. I tried to read it today after finding out I had lost yet two more close to me. It had little effect on me, but I think that's because I wrote it almost 15 years ago. It was intended to help me at the time it was written so many years ago. But the more I look at the actual words, the more it is true for us all.

Life is death.

The first breath taken is the step to death.

To live is divine.

To die is destiny.

Some are graced with time

While others receive short tragedies.

But all who are born to die

Are in essence gifted with eternal life.

To the survivor, death is grief.

To those who have passed, it is peace and happiness.

The last breath taken is the first step to eternity.

Death is life.

Simple words, yet so many have found them so powerful....why can't I when I need to the most?

All's Fair in Love and War...or Is It?

"All's Fair in Love and War"......Is it really? What's fair about either one? Let's start with war. Nobody wins because everyone loses in some way. Is it fair to send our children off to war because someone decides it's what we need to keep our country safe? Who will keep our children safe when they have bullets and bombs going off left and right? Is it fair to the people at home who get the letter or phone call that they have lost their child, parent, or spouse? Not so much.

Love....Nothing's fair in love. We all spend a lifetime trying to find the perfect person to spend the rest of our lives with..... Some of us think we find them the very first time we lay eyes on them. Others, try several times before they find love. Then there are those poor souls who think they find love, only to be thrown for a loop when they realize, they may love another. How can a person not see what is right in front of them? So close you can touch them, smell them, sample the life that could have been had you just held out a little while longer instead of rushing into what may not be "meant to be"......is that fair...to anyone in the twisted circle people call love? I was always taught you should marry your best friend....what if your best friend came along after you thought you were in love.....? What if you find yourself in a situation where you realize your best friend is not your partner, but someone else? Do you follow your heart and soul or is your heart playing tricks on you? Fair? Sounds more confusing than fair...

"All's Fair in Love And War"......nah....my opinion, "All's Chaotic in Love and War". Nothing is what it seems. Everything changes at the blink of an eye. The tide can shift at any moment....do you ride the wave or fight the current? Fair.....now that's just funny.

Falling into the politics of corporate America

When you think you've done the best you can do with information given to you that's just "not quite up to par", wouldn't you feel like a bombshell hit you to hear the news, "We just don't think it's right for the company" and you get pulled off of a project you've put so much time and energy into that your kids don't even recognize when you're actually at home? To be told "IT'S HOW YOU DEAL WITH THE BAD NEWS THAT DEFINES YOUR CAREER BECAUSE NO ONE WILL REMEMBER HOW YOU DELT WITH THE GOOD NEWS", is just a fancy way to say, don't make us look bad. We know we screwed you but don't cause a stink. I always heard about the nasty politics of corporate America, but never really understood it until today. I thought people were crazy when I heard the "office space" horror stories. Today, I fell into the crappy politics of corporate America that so many of us are already twisted into. I feel for those who have to sell the idiotic lines like "We'll tell the group what ever makes this blow easy for you." Tell them the truth moron! We all know with the politics of corporate America, the sugar coated lie will last all of, well, it won't last. People who really know their co-workers know when the boss is trying to snow everyone into believing the little fantasy created to keep the company looking golden. We all started out in the "peon" spot. Why not be who we are and not get sucked into the management politics that creates those people we all hated to be around when we first started. I challenge corporate executives to think back to before they were management and be the person people liked. Because I tell you one thing, you're hearing "OH, GREAT JOB SALLY, OR GREAT JOB BOB!" from your direct reports, it's a line with a fake smile to keep you off our backs just one more day. But if we said what was really on our minds, we'd be out of the job right? Be who you were before you were in management and see how much better morale is in the office.....communication (HONEST COMMUNICATION) is the key to all relationships. Be a person, not the executive robot trying to save face......trust me, all our lives would be so much better off.